As I mentioned once before, the only constant in life is change. Due to changes in my life, I could not focus on the Chocolate Wallflower blog, but now I am back!
Sometimes we need to step away to focus on a more important task at hand. Though I felt guilty for the long hiatus, I knew it was necessary for the next phase of my life. You see I felt tired and beaten down by the, so-called, rat race. I was feeling discontented, unfulfilled and a bit burnt out, which is sad because I am pretty young. I am no spring chicken, but I am not close to retirement age either.
I had come to a point in my life where I asked, “So, is this it?” I was thankful for a “good” job, my needs were taken care of, and I could splurge on myself if I so desired. I'll admit my life on paper was pretty good, and I was genuinely thankful that I could make ends meet. Although, I struggled with accepting the status quo as-is. After so many years of doing what was expected of me—going to school and busting my butt—it seemed all I had to look forward to was two-weeks vacation every year and retirement at the age of 67 if I was lucky. Yawn!
I felt my “purpose was greater than my position.” I had greater ambitions than sitting idly until retirement to pursue my dreams that fell outside of the realm of ordinary. By retirement age, yes, I’d have more time to focus, but perhaps not the drive, energy or physical fortitude. So, I figured the time was now or never to do me.
It was time to focus on me in a way I never have and never could. It is difficult trying to keep up in a world that is quick to leave you behind, and so I decided to switch lanes out of the rat race and step to the wayside for my well-being. I decided that the time and energy I put out in trying to keep up, I would turn inward to invest in myself.
Now, I didn’t just say screw it and one day left my life behind as I know it never to return. I thought long and hard. I planned, prepared and looked at every angle before making my final move. I made sure to have a parachute and an emergency parachute before I stepped off of the cliff into the unknown. And, you know I am delighted I took that leap of faith.
No one knows precisely what the future holds so my new venture of self is both scary and exhilarating. I can truly say that I have no regrets about my decision. It has brought me unfound peace and mental clarity. It isn’t easy going against the grain, but sometimes it is necessary. There will be difficult moments; there will be liberating times, but that is what I signed up for when I began this journey. No matter what happens, I can say I took the bull by the horns, stepped out on faith in order to paint a life that I’ve always envisioned. Not many people can say that with true conviction.
Sometimes the expected outcome isn’t what’s important, but rather that the first step was taken.
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HI. I'M AWET.
A simple soul who likes to engage the world in meaningful ways in the hopes of inspiring others.
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