For years I’ve followed societal rules of doing what is “right” even though deep down it didn’t feel right to me. I always thought that feeling would come later once I achieved this or did that, but it never came, and the feeling of discontent grew.
After high school, I was emboldened to conquer the world by becoming certified to teach English and traveling abroad. I, instead, went to college because it was safe and that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?!? With a college degree while living in a major city I should be able to get a good job and begin the fun-loving life I’ve always envisioned. Ha! Reality contradicted my expectations in a big way. Yes, I got a job (not in my field mind you), but I could barely afford to pay my meager bills let alone live the full life I envisioned.
So, what do I do? I listened to society when it said, “Now is the time to buy real estate.” After the purchase, reality let out a nice big guttural laugh and said, “The housing bubble just burst and your mortgage is underwater.” Great! Now what? I decided to give up my property because it wasn’t just a headache, but a full body ache.
Again, now what? I have a degree, not the greatest credit and a job I don’t like that doesn’t pay well. Taking another cue from society I decided to go back to school for an advanced degree to be more competitive. With a masters degree I just knew the stars would align and I’d get a job paying a great salary. Again, reality laughed, “Ha! Ha! Paaaha!” My salary remained stagnate and now I had more debt.
Well, hmph, something has to give. After following societal norms, I said enough is enough because I am not happy and it is costing me A LOT of money and effort with little to show for it. I had just been laid off from my job just before a vacation, my birthday and the holiday season. I refused to be down on myself for my present circumstance, so I used my free time to really think about what I truly wanted for myself—for my life.
What did I want? What does living a full life mean to me? What has my inner voice been telling me for so long that I have kept suppressed? No matter how absurd the thought. No matter how much it went against the grain I let the thoughts flood my mind. Then, I set out to determine if I could make these fanciful thoughts real. And, I could! Well, the thoughts weren’t really that grand or fanciful, but it felt like it to me.
Now that I have a new focus, a focus that really feels right, getting out of bed every day to deal with traffic, a job, and the everyday rigmarole doesn’t feel so daunting. Yes, I still have to deal with all of that (for now) but I know that I have more to gain from life, but I just have to be willing to work for it. I’m finally listening and doing me and I couldn’t be more excited about the possibilities.
What do you want? How do you plan on getting it?
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HI. I'M AWET.
A simple soul who likes to engage the world in meaningful ways in the hopes of inspiring others.
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