As I mentioned once before, the only constant in life is change. Due to changes in my life, I could not focus on the Chocolate Wallflower blog, but now I am back!
Sometimes we need to step away to focus on a more important task at hand. Though I felt guilty for the long hiatus, I knew it was necessary for the next phase of my life. You see I felt tired and beaten down by the, so-called, rat race. I was feeling discontented, unfulfilled and a bit burnt out, which is sad because I am pretty young. I am no spring chicken, but I am not close to retirement age either.
I had come to a point in my life where I asked, “So, is this it?” I was thankful for a “good” job, my needs were taken care of, and I could splurge on myself if I so desired. I'll admit my life on paper was pretty good, and I was genuinely thankful that I could make ends meet. Although, I struggled with accepting the status quo as-is. After so many years of doing what was expected of me—going to school and busting my butt—it seemed all I had to look forward to was two-weeks vacation every year and retirement at the age of 67 if I was lucky. Yawn!
I felt my “purpose was greater than my position.” I had greater ambitions than sitting idly until retirement to pursue my dreams that fell outside of the realm of ordinary. By retirement age, yes, I’d have more time to focus, but perhaps not the drive, energy or physical fortitude. So, I figured the time was now or never to do me.
It was time to focus on me in a way I never have and never could. It is difficult trying to keep up in a world that is quick to leave you behind, and so I decided to switch lanes out of the rat race and step to the wayside for my well-being. I decided that the time and energy I put out in trying to keep up, I would turn inward to invest in myself.
Now, I didn’t just say screw it and one day left my life behind as I know it never to return. I thought long and hard. I planned, prepared and looked at every angle before making my final move. I made sure to have a parachute and an emergency parachute before I stepped off of the cliff into the unknown. And, you know I am delighted I took that leap of faith.
No one knows precisely what the future holds so my new venture of self is both scary and exhilarating. I can truly say that I have no regrets about my decision. It has brought me unfound peace and mental clarity. It isn’t easy going against the grain, but sometimes it is necessary. There will be difficult moments; there will be liberating times, but that is what I signed up for when I began this journey. No matter what happens, I can say I took the bull by the horns, stepped out on faith in order to paint a life that I’ve always envisioned. Not many people can say that with true conviction.
Sometimes the expected outcome isn’t what’s important, but rather that the first step was taken.
You may also like:
My alarm clock unkindly lets me know that it is 4:30 in the morning, and I need to get out of bed right now, or I’ll ruin my trip to New York. I begrudgingly roll out of bed in a dark room having gone to bed just five hours before. Ah well, I catch some Zs on the bus ride to the Big Apple. I get myself together to race out of the door to begin my journey.
In my last post, Why I Stopped Living Just for the Weekend, I explain why and how I’ve decided to stop living for the weekend. Though, I admit, it can be difficult not to anxiously anticipate when you won’t be on someone else’s clock. I can still appreciate the end of the workweek for what it is—my time!
Those days off allows us to remove the mask, and be who we want to be. Let’s be honest the person that we project ourselves to be at work isn’t the person we really are to the core. Ok, I’ll speak for myself on that one.
As I prepare for Monday, I try to take it in stride and not get the Monday blues–a dreading of the start to the workweek. Where I once again have to wake up earlier, then I’d like to be in the hustle and bustle with countless others. Knowing I never wake up early enough to eat breakfast, I will have to grab my overnight oats as I race out the door. Hoping the bus doesn’t pass me before I get to the bus stop, I’ll have to speed walk as a precaution.
I know this will be how my Monday goes because this is how most workdays begin. But, I don’t want to be someone who wants to jump from Monday straight to Friday as if the middle of the week doesn’t exist.
I just love the feeling from a great workout; it is an unparalleled high that helps to align the mind and body. Aside from benefits doctors' give for exercising, for me, it has a spiritual component similar to mediation, which I also enjoy. It clears my head of the ever-flowing thoughts of my mind. Like a computer with several windows up, with multiple tabs open on each—that’s my brain.
That post workout feeling makes me feel like a superwoman; I feel like I can accomplish anything (at least, until the endorphins die down). In those moments, it gives me heightened mental and physical confidence where I have capabilities within myself to make things happen, things I can feel good about doing. It serves as inspiration for myself.
I apply what I have learned from exercising to other areas of my life.
I was pooped, and it has been a tiring day. After a long day in the office, I trudged home in the bitter cold. Many parts of the U.S. have been unseasonably cold, and Washington DC has been no different with temperatures dropping as low as 9°F/ -12°C.
Before I could unlock my front door, I could hear soft cries from the other side. As I opened the door, two white tipped ears followed by a pair of bright eyes eagerly peered out at me. It was my cat, Charlotte. Every day this ball of fur eagerly greets me when I come home.
Today, I feel so excited about the future. I have BIG plans for myself—improving my finances, traveling, learning a new language, and moving abroad. See, big things!
So, how did I get to this mental plateau? At the time, I had recently turned 30, and I was growing bored in the mundane affairs of my life. I decided to travel to Costa Rica, which was the first time I traveled alone abroad, and the first time I’d been to Central America. I had an idea of what I wanted to do, but I had no real itinerary or expectations. As a person who once obsessed over every detail, it was refreshing to just live and let live.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The New Year is one of my favorite times of the year. Another year behind me and a new year to look forward to. I love the New Year for the same reasons I love sunrises—it brings with it anew. It brings with it the promise of the unknown. It brings with it new possibilities. It brings with it change. All of which I openly embrace because the only thing promised in life is change.
We recognize this when we make New Year’s resolutions. For whatever reason, we did not or we were unable to address certain matters in the previous year and we see a fresh start in the New Year, hence the infamous New Year’s resolution.
I can be a very particular person, not to be confused with a perfectionist, but I am certainly a forward-thinking person who knows what she wants. There was a time when I would mull over any and every detail of my life to ensure things went as I’d envisioned. I left little to no room for flexibility and would be terribly disappointed if my plans deviated. It took me a long time to realize that the only thing promised in life is change.
Today is Thanksgiving in the United States. Symbolically, this is a day where we come together over dinner to celebrate and give thanks for all that we have. Thanksgiving is a time to show appreciation, share and give back. As this year quickly comes to an end I have much to be thankful for. I’d like to show gratitude for:
I love me! Not in a narcissistic egotistical way, but I genuinely love who I am and who I constantly strive to be. I am thankful for the evolution of me.
2. My Travels
I love to travel but I typically have too little time or too little money to travel the way I’d like. This year I used up most of my work leave and really saved to spend two-weeks in Costa Rica. There is just something about being in other societies that greatly differ from my own. Travelling helps me to reflect, makes me more appreciative and open to the world around.
HI. I'M AWET.
A simple soul who likes to engage the world in meaningful ways in the hopes of inspiring others.
SHARING IS CARING
SAVE $40 ON YOUR STAY
TOP 5 POSTS
GET 10% OFF